It’s been a month since we gleefully arrived here in Germany ready to begin the next stage of our lives as an international couple. (Well aren’t we fancy?) Luckily for me, I didn’t come having very many expectations about how it would be and/or how I would do living in a brand new country with a brand new language and different customs and all that, because I’ve never done it before & didn’t see a need to make any predictions. I was wide open and without much of a plan for adapting & integrating right away. For the last month I’ve kind of just given myself permission to first, decompress from city life a little further and second, to just sort of watch and see how things are & how I do off-the-cuff. Going with the flow for four weeks now, some realizations have emerged. Some of them new to me, some of them had begun to emerge before but have now been given the right time and space to fully reveal themselves. Here are but a few:
I can be a bit of chicken. Yes, chicken as in scaredy cat. A total wuss. This whole language thing has really got me by my big toes and I am noticing how terrifying it is for me to think about being somewhere and have someone speak to me when I don’t know what they are saying or how to respond. I reckon there are two reasons for this. One stems from my inability to be vulnerable (which is an issue I am well aware of) & look as though I am anything less than perfect. Being perfect would of couse mean that after a week or two, and especially four, I would not only be fluent in German but I’d be speaking it gracefully with grammatical precision and a vocabulary that sings to the world the glory of inner excellence. Ridiculous, I know. The truth of the matter is that what would really be impressive is if I were willing to go out there and face the native speakers, doing the best that I could with the bits of the language I do know expecting to learn something in the process and probably not even paying it much mind. But at the end of the day, is being impressive what should matter here? No, it is not. Which leads me to the next thing…
I (still) care too much about what other people think. I not long ago believed that I had come along way in shaking this interest in what other people thought about me. I worked hard at being comfortable stating things that were true about my beliefs or thoughts or what have you, even in the presence of people who I knew had very different views. I was easily capable, for instance, to discuss my disapproval of many of the actions our current president while in the company of my very liberal friends who I knew thought he was a wonderful president and could do very little wrong. Their disapproval of my beliefs didn’t pain me as they once surely would have. Recently I didn’t mind professing that I held a view quiet different of the case of Lance Armstrong & his doping admission than that of most of my friends and peers. Yet, here I am among total strangers and I am desperate not to let them see me struggling in my infancy of learning the German language. I don’t want them to think I am dumb, or ridiculous or incapable. I especially don’t want them to think that I don’t care to learn their language. Why is that? Clearly there is another layer of my insecurity that needs to be unraveled & disintegrated. I am ready for the task.
I am still very adaptable. Ok, now for a more positive one. I’ve moved several times and made lots of changes in my life, especially in the last decade. I’ve always seen myself as very adaptable and open to change. When I got to San Francisco, I didn’t do as well as I had before. I just couldn’t seem to find my groove and, instead, found myself being rather resistant to some of the differences there. Now that I am here, I find myself being my old adjustable self, embracing the newness and eager to integrate some of the things I am learning into the way I live my life. I now am beginning to realize that while in San Francisco, I adapted just enough not to be totally miserable but I could only do so to the extent that I felt I was morphing with the things that truly resonated with who I am and what I love. I think San Francisco had a limited amount of things that I could truly embrace and make my own, which is why it never felt like home. Not for a single moment within those two years. Here, I already feel as though I am home. It’s the craziest thing. I felt that way immediately in Asheville, too. I was worried that perhaps I had lost that part of myself, which enabled me to move around and make big changes without a care. I’m happy to know that it’s still there. And this time I’m using it to grow, expand & live better than ever before!
Wherever I go, there I am- really. Because I wasn’t happy about my location/environment in California, I used to blame a lot of my issues, imperfections or emotional ups and downs on the fact that I just wasn’t happy in living where I was. I convinced myself that once I got out of there, I would spring back into this happy-go-lucky, positive & motivated person I used to be. Well, turns out that my environment had only a little something to do with my inefficiencies, not everything. Now I am here, and although I am feeling really jazzed about where I am, some of the same old demons are creeping up & disrupting my inner peace & joy. For example, the vulnerability issue I already mentioned. Yep, still holding me back. My anxiety about what I really want to be when I grow up. Still causing me stress. My busy mind that struggles to just relax and enjoy the present moment. Yep, still keeping me distracted. So I’m facing it- no matter where I go, I cannot run from myself. It’s the inner environment that needs the most adjusting, not the outer. Having said that, now that I am in an outer environment that provides a more soothing & inspiring platform for me to work from, I am feeling very energized & motivated to do the inner work that has so long been calling for me to address it.
Ok, so for some more cool & different things about Germany:
A male janitor is permitted to enter and clean the ladies room while ladies are in there. (never saw that in the states!)
The movies have a lot more nudity in them
Germans have these electric window shutters that they close every night in every room in the house. The homes look like they are all boarded up, as you cannot see any light coming out of the houses. I’ve been told it’s for privacy. I guess I get it, but I don’t really like it.
Everyone eats with a knife and fork. At first it was a bit of a pain, but I’ve gotten the hang of it and there’s no going back!
The term for organic here is ‘bio’. This is the label you look for at the grocery store if you want organic, or you can go to the bio market. They also have several labels that represent the grade or level of “bio-ness” of a product, which I am still trying to figure out.
There are dogs everywhere. They are allowed in most restaurants and in stores and shops.
The style of dress here that is the most standard is I guess what we would call “preppy”. Lots of polo shirts & other collared shirts, layered of course with a cardigan or pullover. Plaid is big. Lots of neutral & subdued colors; brown, beige, black, gray & navy blue. This goes for men & women. In fact, they dress almost identically to each other.
German bread is the most amazing bread I have ever had. The assortment is vast, and the freshness is heavenly.
It’s typical to have afternoon tea or coffee with pastries. Usually around 3 pm.
If you want to buy aspirin or ibuprofen, you cannot go to, say, Rossman (which is like a Walgreens minus the pharmacy) but rather to the Apotheke, which is the pharmacy. You go here for all medicines, including herbal ones.
Germans like to whistle. I noticed them doing it while they are performing chores, driving, and walking.
All else is still going well! I have enjoyed visiting a few new German cities in the last couple weeks. We’ve been to Münster, which was just lovely. And just this past weekend we visited Bielefeld, which I also enjoyed. I really love the architecture here, and the additional characters in the alphabet that just make signage look magnificent to the foreign eye. Here are a few snapshots:
Finally, I am really loving getting to know my in-laws. Their little routines & habits & ways of life are truly something to adore and admire and I am in awe of them and fully inspired. They are the picture of the shiny happy family that I for long wondered whether or not actually existed. It’s been a very nurturing experience sharing a home with them. I’ll share more specific things I love about them in my next post.
